One "Extra" Bedroom Flat...A Bitter Reality!!

source: Quora

It's a dream of most of the young people today to leave India and settle in abroad. I don't know why but "settling in abroad" has become synonymous with "settling in the USA". 

Better career opportunities, cushy jobs, attractive package or a better standard of living - whatever be the motivation of a person, it has one thing in common - "better" than "here". 

But "better" at the cost of what?

This is the story of an Indian software engineer which aptly describes that all that shine ain't gold.

So here it is...

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Engineering and  joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When  I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here  at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be  staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have  earned enough money to settle down in India. 

My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do something more than him. I started feeling homesick and  lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents  every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two  years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee  value went down. Finally I decided to get married. Told my  parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done  within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. I was jubilant and actually enjoying, hopping for gifts for all my  friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After  reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of  girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one  candidate. 

My in-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to  get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the  marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my  parents and telling the neighbours to look after them, we returned to  USA. My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then  she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to  twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started  diminishing. 

After two more years we started to have kids. Two  lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every  time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they  can see their grand-children. Every year I decide to go to India but part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and  visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a  message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get  any holidays and thus could not go to India ... The next message I got  was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last  rites the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed.  My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.  

After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and  my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for  a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the  property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to  the USA...My wife refused to come back with me and my children  refused to stay in India... My 2 children and I returned to USA after  promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.  

Time  passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son  was happy living in USA... I decided that had enough and wound-up  everything and returned to India... I had just enough money to buy a  decent 2 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.  

Now I am 60  years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine  visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone  to the holy abode.  

Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this?

 My father, even after staying in India, Had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This  damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are  losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards  from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me. Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbours again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them.  

But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'

I am still searching for an answer.................!!! START THINKING IS IT JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BEDROOM??? LIFE IS BEYOND THIS ..DON'T JUST LEAVE YOUR LIFE .. START LIVING IT . LIVE IT AS YOU WANT IT TO BE

How I overcame the Negativity inside me !!

The recent events turned my life upside down. I started struggling with anxiety and depression, at a time when I was trying to stabilize my career. While one day I woke up being appreciated for cracking a tough nut job interview, the other day I felt exhausted with a strange emptiness around me. One thing led to another. I was stressed out, suffered from lack of concentration and easily got pissed off over petty issues (although I never had anger management issues in the past).

I have always been an optimistic guy and had been before too in these situations but this felt something different. I was shy talking about this with anyone as normally it is considered a sign of "weakness" and that too for a man in our society. I wouldn't eat properly and had found difficulty in getting a proper sleep.

But then one day, I came across the above image in one of the self-help kind of groups which I had joined probably because one of my many so-called "Facebook" friends had liked it.

It made me pause for a moment. I realized I wanted to be happy but I was focusing on all the negative scenarios of my life, thinking passionately of the things which I didn't want. From that day onward, I made a conscious decision to stop letting the bully inside me get over me. I decided to change my beliefs even if it takes a sizable amount of efforts from my side. I started reading a lot, going through all the websites I can find via Google with the search string being the heading of this blog in present tense. I started making note of the changes which I wanted to incorporate in my life in my smartphone and would review it at least twice a day everyday - after waking up and before sleeping (I felt as if a doctor had prescribed me some kind of medicine).

It took time but I started experiencing some changes. It is still an ongoing phase. I feel there comes a situation in everyone's life where one feels the same which I underwent through. I totally understand it isn't easy to remain positive when negativity surrounds us. I can say it from my experience. But we should take control over what we want to feel instead of giving away that power to other people or sometimes the circumstances. I decided to share my experience with everyone but was skeptic about doing it as I still thought I will be mocked over. But then that was defying the whole point, giving away the power of YOU to other people. 

I hope the following bulleted points help other people too from getting liberated from the shackles of Negativity and Depression. Don't worry I will not be preaching you here.

• What other people think of me is their problem, not mine. 

Don’t take other people’s negativity personally. Most people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with. What they say and do is actually a projection of their own reality. Even when a situation seems personal - even if someone insults you directly - it normally has nothing to do with you. What others say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection.

Actually the truth is, while you’re busy worrying about what others think of you, they’re busy worrying about what you think of them.  Surprised?  Yes, but true. The good news is this knowledge instantly frees you to let loose and do more of what YOU want.  And while doing so, you’ll also free others to do the same.

You are free to be YOU. Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and what they want. Stop living for other people and their opinions. But be true to yourself. You are the only person in charge of your life. The only question is: What do you want to do with the rest of it?

• Life isn't perfect, but sure it is great.

Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life, but to live an imperfect life in radical amazement. To get up every morning and take and good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted. 

Everything is extraordinary. Every day is a gift.  Never treat life casually. Let go off of the things which you can't control. Take responsibility of the things which you can. 

• It's okay to have down days.

Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easy. It rarely is for ANYONE. 

Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is like swimming in an ocean and expecting waves only rise up and never come crashing down. 

However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs. It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.

 

• Even when I'm struggling, I have so much to be grateful for.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but of appreciating everything we do have. 

Stress thrives when your worry list is longer than your gratitude list. Happiness thrives when your gratitude list is longer than your worry list. 

So find something to be thankful for right now. 

• Every experience is just another important lesson.

Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to success. So don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the tragedies and mistakes aside. 

Remember, life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow. 

Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place.

• Not everything is meant to stay.

Change can be terrifying, yet all positive growth and healing requires change. Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye. 

Because the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.  

Be strong when everything seems to be going wrong, keep taking small steps, and eventually you will find what you’re looking for. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.

 

• I do not need to hold on to what's holding me back.

You are not what has happened to you; you are what you choose to become. It’s time to break the beliefs and routines that have been holding you back.  

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer grows you. Listen to your intuition, not feed your ego.  When you stop chasing the wrong beliefs, you give the right ideas a chance to catch you.

 

• Being dramatic and judgemental are simply a waste of time.

Stop the drama before it begins, to breathe deeply and peacefully, and to love others and yourself without conditions. 

Laugh at your own mistakes, and realize that no one is perfect; we are all human. 

Feelings of self-worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.

 

• Happiness starts with you.

Yes it starts with you – not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but WITH YOU. 

It is not always easy to find happiness in ourselves, but it is always impossible to find it elsewhere. 

Regardless of the situation you face, your attitude is your choice. Only when you're happy, you can spread it to other people. Because happiness is contagious. PERIOD.

And even if you still feel enveloped with Negativity, remember the following scene from the movie 3 Idiots.

Reference : Marc and Angel