One "Extra" Bedroom Flat...A Bitter Reality!!

source: Quora

It's a dream of most of the young people today to leave India and settle in abroad. I don't know why but "settling in abroad" has become synonymous with "settling in the USA". 

Better career opportunities, cushy jobs, attractive package or a better standard of living - whatever be the motivation of a person, it has one thing in common - "better" than "here". 

But "better" at the cost of what?

This is the story of an Indian software engineer which aptly describes that all that shine ain't gold.

So here it is...

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Engineering and  joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When  I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here  at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be  staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have  earned enough money to settle down in India. 

My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat. I wanted to do something more than him. I started feeling homesick and  lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents  every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two  years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee  value went down. Finally I decided to get married. Told my  parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done  within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. I was jubilant and actually enjoying, hopping for gifts for all my  friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After  reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of  girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one  candidate. 

My in-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to  get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the  marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my  parents and telling the neighbours to look after them, we returned to  USA. My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then  she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to  twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started  diminishing. 

After two more years we started to have kids. Two  lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every  time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they  can see their grand-children. Every year I decide to go to India but part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and  visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a  message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get  any holidays and thus could not go to India ... The next message I got  was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last  rites the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed.  My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.  

After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and  my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for  a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the  property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to  the USA...My wife refused to come back with me and my children  refused to stay in India... My 2 children and I returned to USA after  promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.  

Time  passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son  was happy living in USA... I decided that had enough and wound-up  everything and returned to India... I had just enough money to buy a  decent 2 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.  

Now I am 60  years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine  visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone  to the holy abode.  

Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this?

 My father, even after staying in India, Had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This  damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are  losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards  from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me. Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbours again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them.  

But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'

I am still searching for an answer.................!!! START THINKING IS IT JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BEDROOM??? LIFE IS BEYOND THIS ..DON'T JUST LEAVE YOUR LIFE .. START LIVING IT . LIVE IT AS YOU WANT IT TO BE

How I overcame the Negativity inside me !!

The recent events turned my life upside down. I started struggling with anxiety and depression, at a time when I was trying to stabilize my career. While one day I woke up being appreciated for cracking a tough nut job interview, the other day I felt exhausted with a strange emptiness around me. One thing led to another. I was stressed out, suffered from lack of concentration and easily got pissed off over petty issues (although I never had anger management issues in the past).

I have always been an optimistic guy and had been before too in these situations but this felt something different. I was shy talking about this with anyone as normally it is considered a sign of "weakness" and that too for a man in our society. I wouldn't eat properly and had found difficulty in getting a proper sleep.

But then one day, I came across the above image in one of the self-help kind of groups which I had joined probably because one of my many so-called "Facebook" friends had liked it.

It made me pause for a moment. I realized I wanted to be happy but I was focusing on all the negative scenarios of my life, thinking passionately of the things which I didn't want. From that day onward, I made a conscious decision to stop letting the bully inside me get over me. I decided to change my beliefs even if it takes a sizable amount of efforts from my side. I started reading a lot, going through all the websites I can find via Google with the search string being the heading of this blog in present tense. I started making note of the changes which I wanted to incorporate in my life in my smartphone and would review it at least twice a day everyday - after waking up and before sleeping (I felt as if a doctor had prescribed me some kind of medicine).

It took time but I started experiencing some changes. It is still an ongoing phase. I feel there comes a situation in everyone's life where one feels the same which I underwent through. I totally understand it isn't easy to remain positive when negativity surrounds us. I can say it from my experience. But we should take control over what we want to feel instead of giving away that power to other people or sometimes the circumstances. I decided to share my experience with everyone but was skeptic about doing it as I still thought I will be mocked over. But then that was defying the whole point, giving away the power of YOU to other people. 

I hope the following bulleted points help other people too from getting liberated from the shackles of Negativity and Depression. Don't worry I will not be preaching you here.

• What other people think of me is their problem, not mine. 

Don’t take other people’s negativity personally. Most people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with. What they say and do is actually a projection of their own reality. Even when a situation seems personal - even if someone insults you directly - it normally has nothing to do with you. What others say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection.

Actually the truth is, while you’re busy worrying about what others think of you, they’re busy worrying about what you think of them.  Surprised?  Yes, but true. The good news is this knowledge instantly frees you to let loose and do more of what YOU want.  And while doing so, you’ll also free others to do the same.

You are free to be YOU. Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and what they want. Stop living for other people and their opinions. But be true to yourself. You are the only person in charge of your life. The only question is: What do you want to do with the rest of it?

• Life isn't perfect, but sure it is great.

Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life, but to live an imperfect life in radical amazement. To get up every morning and take and good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted. 

Everything is extraordinary. Every day is a gift.  Never treat life casually. Let go off of the things which you can't control. Take responsibility of the things which you can. 

• It's okay to have down days.

Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easy. It rarely is for ANYONE. 

Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is like swimming in an ocean and expecting waves only rise up and never come crashing down. 

However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs. It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.

 

• Even when I'm struggling, I have so much to be grateful for.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but of appreciating everything we do have. 

Stress thrives when your worry list is longer than your gratitude list. Happiness thrives when your gratitude list is longer than your worry list. 

So find something to be thankful for right now. 

• Every experience is just another important lesson.

Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to success. So don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the tragedies and mistakes aside. 

Remember, life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow. 

Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place.

• Not everything is meant to stay.

Change can be terrifying, yet all positive growth and healing requires change. Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye. 

Because the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.  

Be strong when everything seems to be going wrong, keep taking small steps, and eventually you will find what you’re looking for. Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.

 

• I do not need to hold on to what's holding me back.

You are not what has happened to you; you are what you choose to become. It’s time to break the beliefs and routines that have been holding you back.  

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer grows you. Listen to your intuition, not feed your ego.  When you stop chasing the wrong beliefs, you give the right ideas a chance to catch you.

 

• Being dramatic and judgemental are simply a waste of time.

Stop the drama before it begins, to breathe deeply and peacefully, and to love others and yourself without conditions. 

Laugh at your own mistakes, and realize that no one is perfect; we are all human. 

Feelings of self-worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.

 

• Happiness starts with you.

Yes it starts with you – not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but WITH YOU. 

It is not always easy to find happiness in ourselves, but it is always impossible to find it elsewhere. 

Regardless of the situation you face, your attitude is your choice. Only when you're happy, you can spread it to other people. Because happiness is contagious. PERIOD.

And even if you still feel enveloped with Negativity, remember the following scene from the movie 3 Idiots.

Reference : Marc and Angel

Her Suspension - Are people deliberately ignoring the ulterior motives?

Her suspension, which has triggered a controversy and a turf war between  the ruling party in the state and the bureaucracy, has been doing rounds for the past few weeks. 

Is it just me or everyone feels so - either it is to satiate the cynical politics or conceal the criminal conspiracy involved in rampant quarrying along the banks of Yamuna river?  Either way, nothing can perhaps rationalize her suspension by the incumbent government. Even their explanation that the action was taken to parry any communal turmoil does not sound sensible enough to justify the hastily-ordered suspension. Agreed the villagers are unhappy with the demolition of the walls, there does not seem to be any signs of any tumult within the residents of the sleepy village. 

The most convenient explanation  is the age old politics which our revered politicians have been playing around for years - religious sentiments of the people. The upper echelon based his conclusions on the suggestions of a local ruling party MLA, who seems to yearn for representing in Lok Sabha. It is very unfortunate that the people are unable to fathom their insidious motives of seeking communal votes in lieu of protecting the illegal rackets or/and political/personal gains. Protecting their integrity or supporting their development as projected is just a facade. Sometimes I feel are people really such ignorant/stupid or are they deliberately ignoring the facts?

Her only fault was her honesty. She was active in the crackdown against the illicit  mining, seizing illegal lands and initiating probe against sand mafia. She definitely had become a stone under tooth for the thugs. Whether it was a move by the government to attain political gain through the mosque wall demolition or by the mafia that used the same to get rid of an intractable officer, the ultimate sufferer is the one who was only following her duties. Perhaps this only ceases others to take any actions against the rich and powerful.


(PS - Avoiding proper nouns to save myself from getting arrested for freedom of speech)

India does need a ‘MODI’fication

(Disclaimer: I am not a political expert. The views expressed should, if at all, be assessed from a layman’s perspective)

The Indian middle class (especially the youth) may have found a hero in Mr. Narendra Modi long back but the prospects of anticipating him leading our nation were dismal as many people are still infuriated over his alleged complicity or inaction in the 2002 Gujarat riots. But his abrupt elevation to the national dais recently has taken his detractors by surprise like a stone under tooth. I know it is too early to predict anything but it seems now almost impossible to cease the Modi juggernaut.

First things first. I am not postulating that he is the best leader our country can ever have, but majority of the people will concur with me that he is better than the rest.

So what encouraged me, a 23-year old guy who is yet to vote (embarrassed), blog about him?

It is the same four-letter word that every other youth envisages with him - HOPE, hope to the people of India that here is a decisive, undaunted, stout and resolute pioneer who has the ability to lead them out of gloominess.

There is nothing new in the fact that the Indian populace is really pissed off and growing restless with the increasing inflation rates, quotidian corruption scams, declining growth and a detached government in denial. Troubled with the backward drift and paralyzed state, the aam aadmi is desperately questing for a staunch and stern leader which Mr. Modi distinctly symbolizes.  

But alas, the numbers are against him. In my opinion, it is the media (and not to forget his opposition) which should be held responsible for bringing his name into bad repute again and again. He is definitely hounded by media for 11 years in spite of a mandate by the people of his state for three consecutive terms (which constitutes of people other than Hindus as against as his defamers who project him to have support only from hardcore Hindu fanatics). What is the point of bringing the issue and inculpating him for the pogrom again and again even after being vindicated by the apex court? For instance, there is something interesting which I noticed during the media coverage of the anointment of Mr. Modi. There was a sudden sympathy for Mr. Advani from people who once considered him their bete noire. Other than the 2002 massacre, they didn’t find a single point like his connection to any scam or inefficiency in his government to malign his character.

Coming back to the original point, what is in him that distinguishes him from the rest? Any political leader today fears to take a decision apprehending repercussions which may injure his/her vote bank. Modi balances nothing. He doesn't fear to take decisions even if it harms his stature. He is something which the young generation wants from the new India - prompt decision making, quick result oriented policies, no concern of the odds against it. The way he motivates the masses through his sonorous speeches is worth listening to.

But every temptation has a price. Modi has a clear downside. He is an authoritarian, accountable to none. He is famous for being obstinately unapologetic about his communal past. He doesn't care about image building which in turn works against him.

There will be a clear cut dilemma for Indian masses in 2014 - whether to choose good governance and prosperity or communal harmony and domestic security. Will he succeed? I have no clue. The road is tough and it is not going to be an easy cup of tea but as Modi himself said, “ Mana Ki Andhera Ghana Hai, Par Diya Jalana Kahan Mana Hai”. (Agreed there is immense darkness but what prevents us from lighting the lamp?)

TIME HEALS !!!

Now that I have learnt to keep my emotions aside and be more practical in my outlook, I can claim that time does heal; provided we give time to it. Because only when we are through the healing process, we realize why, how and where the things went wrong; whether to inculpate the circumstances which prevailed that time or ourselves. We are in a habit of blaming others for our miseries and often tend to ignore that we ourselves can also be the reason behind them.

I "usually" considered myself a good person, one that takes others' feelings into consideration. I am not selfish. But now when I ponder, I realize that there have been times where I thought I was doing the right thing but actually I overlooked that I may have been hurting someone in the process.

There is(or was I don't know) a particular person in my life whom I hurt because I wanted to protect. At least this was what I told myself. Now when I look back, I understand that the only person I wanted to protect was myself - protect myself from any worries that I might have faced if that person ran into troubles. We feel it is normal to make decisions which we think are the best for the ones we love only to realize later that we were doing what was best for us. I did this more than once but finally at the end I had to pay the price for it. It was the time in my life when my options were limited and instead of fighting for what I wanted, I chose to walk away. In nutshell, I escaped the situation rather than dealt with it. I thought I was protecting someone I cared for but the only person I was protecting was me. 

After a lot of self-contemplation and soul-searching, I have owned up to my faults but I guess I won't be getting a chance to apologize to the person I had hurt. The choices and decisions I made back then had haunted me for a long time (and I guess will continue to do so) but I am trying to seek closure from that experience.

I always thought time would heal the profoundest wounds. Now I can vouch for the fact that wounds don't heal themselves unless we address them. We, instead, try to ignore them and push them so deep that we somehow convince ourselves that we are alright. I too thought I had healed but actually I was eluding them. For the first time I have started healing. It is not easy but I am getting there. It has made me wiser, stronger and more intellectual who believes that time can heal even the deepest of wounds because there is always a reason behind every occurrence in our life...!!!

Remember, 

"Hum sab to rangmanch ki kathputliyan hain jiski dor upar waale ke haathon mein hai"

(We are just puppets of a stage who are controlled by our masters sitting above)

CHINA: EASY TO CARP ABOUT, TOUGH TO COUNTER

The Chinese Prime Minister Li Keqiang's visit to India has become a pivotal point of discussion these days where much of the focus, debate, ire and exasperation revolves around China’s recent incursion into the Depsang Valley of Ladakh. While much of the diplomatic efforts will be to resolve the pending issues, the actual efforts should be made on making Indian economics stand at par with the Chinese on the international dais. It is de facto the economic dynamics that will mold the future of Sino-Indian relations. 

India is already losing the trade balance with China due to a considerable increase in Chinese exports to India than its imports. Effectively, China sells to India almost four times of what it buys from India.

If China is impertinent and audacious towards India (or to any other country), it is due to perceived economic strength. If India engages China, it is only because of the lucrative market the former offers for the Chinese goods and materials. 

China reveres nothing but economic strength. China fears nothing but economic strength. The border incursion is just an example of its tyranny and economic predominance. 

India needs to pull its socks up at least to uphold the trade balance and not worsen it further, if not better. It must improve its competitiveness in international market to gain leverage over China. It needs to exploit the weakness of Chinese products of being substandard in quality. Of course, it is a distant dream to achieve but India needs to put consistent efforts before China completely dominates the Asian market, if not the world.

At the end of the day, we can carp about China as much as we can. But we find it difficult when it comes to taking steps to counter it. Border insurgence and security issues might be secondary concerns for India right now. The economic fortification must be on top of India's to-do list if it wants to assert itself in diplomacy and security issues with China. 

LEADERS HAVE NO TITLES

Recently I had a chance to go through a book authored by Robin Sharma titled "The Leader who Had No Title". 

There lies no doubt in Robin Sharma's dexterity which clearly reflects from his writings. In this book, he evidently insists on the fact that leadership is all about understanding the fundamentals and not allowing the ego of one's title take over one's intellect; ignoring the opinion of the subordinates. It is an idea which defies the adage that you need to hold a title to drive a change. Every single person in a business gets an opportunity to not just work but also show leadership quality within his work. In many ways, the whole idea behind Leading without a Title is the democratization of leadership. 

He doesn't shy away from vindicating that designations are important too for smooth operation of a business. The new model of leadership actually talks about creation of a culture where one feels motivated enough to lead from the front instead of sitting back and being a passive onlooker. If one can't lead oneself, how can he/she lead others? A true leader is someone who can instigate such a thought among his team members. The best leaders are more interested in growing more leaders instead of caressing their title. The moment you think you are the master, you lose the mastery.